Gift wrapping is complicated.

I, like the majority of the world, wish I were more competent at certain things. Tonight I had to gift wrap several books (Divine Wind, The Year of Magical Thinking, and Bar Mitzvah Disco, all for my parents). I had to call my mother in to help me wrap the hurricane book for my father. Then, when I was wrapping her gift, I had to call her back in again to help me deal with the too-much-dreidel-covered-paper I had twined around Joan. Embarrassing, but luckily she didn't glance beneath the gift wrap (isn't it sad that my mother had to wrap her own gift?) I was able to wrap the third book, but not without tearing the paper. Poor dreidels.

I also just realized that I could have saved a lot of money by using Amazon.com instead of Barnes and Nobles--but then I wouldn't get my super-duper 10% members discount, so who knows.

Anyhow, the point of this post is that there are a lot of things I wish I were able to do.

Shall we make a small list?

1) Sew Buttons. I have this fantastic black velvet jacket that I've been wearing buttonless because I'm too lazy to try to remember how to sew buttons onto fabric. My mother taught me once, but lessons of minor skill tend to flit out of my head (she taught me how to gift wrap once but that, obviously, was useless).
2) Cook. I mean really cook. I can do the standard cooking nonsense but I'd love to be able to whip up a souffle or maybe some excellent risotto with odd ingredients or even a bizarre Asian dish with spices that aren't available at the local super market. That way I can really feel exotic.
3) Sex. Alright. I'm not terrible. But I could be better. I could be more flexible. Maybe I should take yoga or study up on the kama sutra. I want my sexual prowess to be like the spices I can't get at the local super market. Dammit.
4) Remain 100% organized 100% of the time. I can pull it off at the beginning of things: such as the year, or the semester, such and such...but come finals everything's a bloody fucking mess.
5) HTML and fun on the blog. It really is a dull blog. Not like the unavailable spices at all.

I just realized that this list resembles New Year's Resolutions and I swear to you that this is not true. Last year's New Year's Resolution was my standard "LOSE FUCKING WEIGHT" and I did lose fucking weight but not until oh, August. So maybe if I just ponder improving myself and doing 100 sit-ups a day and sewing millions of buttons onto millions of fabulous velvet jackets while contorting myself into the Salivating Lotus-Tiger I'll one day be competent and skilled.

The way we all wish we could be.